OK, I’m going to take a giant shit here. Can’t help it. We’re dealing with the INFJ woman’s love nature here and I can be nothing but honest (and a little messy) in this endeavor. What this means is that I have largely refrained from editing and dressing all this shit up into something neat and palatable. It is in the spirit of her implied Scorpio Moon that I present to you the following reeking clusterfuck of her garbagesque drives in this respect.
Down below (where she wants to go), I make references to this whole Fi id position that I came up with as a way to explain facets of the INFJ type that are not accounted for in prevailing descriptions of them. This Fi id of INFJ has two main components that are referenced as implied astrological positions throughout this clusterfuck article: An implied Scorpio Moon position, which acts as a normative id position, and an implied 12th house Fi Pisces, which often acts suddenly and overwhelmingly as a finalizing agent of the id that threatens to completely usurp the dominant orientation and reestablish the ego along its lines.
Also, this article is brought to you by popular demand. I trust that all the INFJ women who begged me for this information will know what to do with it.
Umm, what I mean is…
What does INFJ woman do in a romantic/sexual relationship?
- INFJ woman introjection of man. Swallowing, taking in whole. Like an intimacy that is an effrontery.
- Dominance through submission. Hard submissive.
What is her goal in relating to a man?
- Claims that she wants intimacy and understanding. It is hard to feel satisfied by any would-be man in this respect. Never enough. Neverending well of Fi (Pisces 12th house implicated).
- But, what she does is devour the man and she does it under the guise of love and simple claims of needing intimacy. The reality is that entering into relationship with her is deadly on the emotional level.
Why? Because she is not in control of her nature here. Fi id of INFJ is akin to “the worst are full of passionate intensity” line from the Yeat’s poem, The Second Coming. Like Scorpio, it is either too strong or too weak. On the one hand, she needs to stay unsatisfied to stay interested, and this is like a game, but if she isn’t satisfied then she rebels and asks for more, more, more! Paying a lot of attention to the partner and what she isn’t getting from him.
Yet, if he does give it to her as much as he can then she will grow tired of him, lose respect because he has given into her, at which point she will go to sleep on him and husk. Meanwhile, there is a dead corpse on him emotionally, like an angry dead corpse. She won’t leave the relationship but will feed off of him in some way.
So, either way it is exhausting to her and him.
INFJ woman (Implied Scorpio Moon) really wants a man that she can respect. This means a man that doesn’t give in to the feminine power games of manipulation, power plays, vaginal power of castration, emasculation (subtle usually), getting absorbed in her, bonding to her etc.
However, she also craves a man that can meet her at a deep level or else she won’t feel satisfied. She might respect the man but still feel like he can’t satisfy her deep itch.
So, what does this bitch really want? Can she be satisfied at this Fi level?
Well, in light of the general dynamic of INFJ woman’s extremely strong passionate nature which she is weak to and a victim of, yet an enactor of nonetheless, she can’t help herself when it is activated/roused. She can’t resist the pull of the undertow.
And that’s what it is. She wants to go down and down and down. Deeper.
I guess her complaint is that no man can reach her depths.
What would happen if he did?
Like I’ve said before, another INFJ might do this, but, then they are liable to both be fucked. Because they are in this drive to death type thing that is linked to love.
At any rate, most men can’t go there so there will be two types of men – those that try to please her and those that just take control of her and won’t go there with her.
She respects the latter because he is strong, solar, and immune to her deadly and weak feminine wiles. This is basically a man that won’t allow himself to be weakened in will by giving into her.
Another dynamic here is that I think many INFJ women are a bit surprised about this power that they have. It is always something a bit alien to them perhaps. On a conscious level they aren’t likely to be aware of it.
Then there is the man that is willing to please her. I just have to think on some level that INFJ women are instinctively disdainful of men like this despite all their conscious claims to the contrary. Just my gut feeling on it.
The basic conundrum
An INFJ woman I know had a conundrum herself. She had a choice between two men in her life, one an ENTP and the other an INFJ. The ENTP is perfect for her in every way except this deep longing that she has for emotional connection. ENTPs cannot provide this, which is why I’ve said they are the perfect partner for an INFJ. They pretty much just completely circumvent and nullify the INFJ id, rendering it a non-issue.
The only type that could meet an INFJ at their id and probably satisfy that deep longing is another INFJ. This is liable to be one of the love relationships of epic order. However, it is fatal and tragic in aspect. Love to death.
The INFJ woman mentioned the possibility of both. That is the Venus in Cancer (implied Venus position of INFJ) tendency towards triangles in love. And now that I think about it that may be the natural Venus position of INFJ. The swoon. The Beatles early heavenly giddy teenage love songs. The hysterical girls that pass out in a fit of giddy love.
I hadn’t thought of that before this consciously, but, in my INFJ articles I usually give the solution to all these Fi id-derived problems as Fe, so maybe that would imply Venus in Cancer, as well as the Sun in Fe Pisces (INFJ has an implied Pisces Sun).
What I mean is, yeah, don’t only expand your love impulse out into wider social networks but also have two relationships at once or multiple shorter-term love relationships. This would be the two aspects of Fe in INFJ (Cancer and Fe Pisces) as there are the two id Fi positions for them as well (Scorpio and Fi Pisces).
polygamy polyamory maybe is the solution specifically for the Fi urge in INFJ to focus so much on one relationship and getting as much as you can from one partner. Venus in Cancer (implied Venus of INFJ) seems to indicate that colorful, giddy teenage love feeling. But, then, it is over after the infatuation phase passes. I think that is what Venus in Cancer implies – being interested in the first throngs of love. It isn’t love in the deep sense, but, love in the sensational, swooning sense. Like all the girls that loved the Beatles. They love them in that Venus in Cancer hysterical way. That’s not true love. This type of love is heightened by the unavailability of the love-object. Or that other girls are having them too, which makes them more desirable and dreamy.
Solution = have two lovers at a time. Probaly not too much more than that, because, after all, INFJs aren’t really players. But, two seems right. Like another INFJ girl I know mentions wanting to be a passive participant in a married couple’s life. Yes, I could see that. Cancer doesn’t really want to be responsible. It’s like they want to enter an established thing and be the charming baby that is moodily there when it wants to be and gone when it doesn’t. Also, it could keep INFJ out of the jealousy thing because that other person wasn’t theirs in the first place. That person was already married or together with another person first. So, it was never under the guise of that other person belonging to them exclusively.
I think INFJ would make great lovers who are a kind of a third wheel that might enter into an established and maybe somewhat boring and staid relationship and liven it up a bit. Secret lovers.
Cancer and Cuckolding
If INFJ is married they may fantasize about someone else entering into the relationship. Maybe guy INFJs would enjoy the fantasy of another man fucking his wife and he is the cuckold.
Maybe this is where the pussy-eating thing comes from. I think Cancer is the sign that most like to eat pussy and be smothered and all that. I see the women INFJs wanting their pussies eaten and the men wanting to eat pussy. The women would more embody the implied Cancerian Venus (and the implied Scorpio Moon) than the INFJ man, who would more seek that type of women.
But, INFJ women aren’t dominant in the sense of the Se and Te thing. It is more just a passive and strong magnetism and receptivity to this, and also with that certain type of man, like the one who tries to please her.
With the more dominant man that she craves, she would be more liable and open to being completely owned and used for whatever the man desires. But, the key is he has to be believable this way for her, make her feel really slutty and trashy, treat her like a little fuck slave slut. But, she won’t let on that she is really like this. The guy has to make the hard moves and make this side of her come out. On a conscious level, she is liable to maintain a certain dignity and exemption from all of this. To her more secret self, she longs to be penetrated like the hard mystery that she is. She longs for the dominance over her rogue and uncertain nature, for someone to master her, bust her ass open, and plow away at her like no tomorrow. In her deepest self, this is what she really wants.
And yet, yes, she still does want that love and true understanding of her. But, she doesn’t really respect this. And she is like a dangerous and double-tongued snake in this regard. She doesn’t know herself well enough here (often) to know what she really wants. She doesn’t want understanding. She wants to be violated and made to serve to someone that she can believe in as a source of power and will.
It’s like a ruse or a surface trick kind of thing, to weed out the weaklings. If you give her what she often claims she wants, then you will be dead meat. If you fall in love with her, ugh, that is such a turn off on some level to her.
Because she doesn’t respect anyone that will have her as a member of their club. On a deep level, the INFJ woman believes she is shit and worthless. This is true for healthy or unhealthy INFJs. It is just a thing of the primal and coarsely-developed and regressive id nature. Yes, on other levels she doesn’t believe that. But, in the id, it is always like this. The id is dumb, can’t learn, can’t change etc.
So, every INFJ has that trap door in themselves that never changes, that self that lies there under its halter, saddle, and whatever things you lay on top of it to control it. Deep down every INFJ feels culpable, dirty, shameful, lustful, hellhoundish, dark, disarrayed, infinitely susceptible etc. And because they have this id, like a law of physics, this is the way they must feel deep down as a rule.
INFJs may be a lot of things but what drives them deep down is a conviction of the skankiness and through-and-through jaded and innocence-long-since-faded, and well…just the whole Scorpion nature which cannot be changed. And in the INFJ the Scorpion nature is in its most fallen and negative and black state, so, not high Scorpio. It can’t really change, it can only be sublimated, or rather, other selves can be engaged to rise above it. Taken at its own level with no checks and balances from anywhere else the INFJ Scorpio Moon is primed to sting and usurp and be treacherous and mutinous and hellish and burning and passionate, antisocial, hateful of society, sexually demonic and low-level astral, wanting to be possessed by desire, jealousy, sexual perversions of a low order and so on.
That will never change. It can be chastened, made conscious, expressed etc. but not changed in nature. It can probably even be drained off over time but still it has the same basic structure and will fill back up again in the same way. Like in AA where they say that the pickle is always a pickle and can’t go back to being a cucumber and how your disease (addiction) is growing there all the time with you even though you are no longer actively using and giving into it. The id is a self that can’t grow, learn, etc.
So, the basic solution
Because the id is like this and cannot change, if left fully to its own desires or engaged by putting oneself in situations that rely heavily on the function that falls at this position, you will get pretty predictable results.
That is why I have said INFJs in sexual-romantic relationships is a breeding ground for downgoings and downfalls. I basically said it is futile for INFJ to be in long-term sexual/romantic relationships because they will devour the beloved (Fi Scorpio Moon) under the guise of trying to save them (12th house Fi).
Or they will want to be saved themselves. But, I don’t think I mentioned that in the article proper. It is more that I was saying that they present as these perfectly understanding creatures, which, of course, draws people to them for relationship prospects, but, they are like a mirage in this respect because what seemed so heavenly at the outset will turn into a hell at the inset.
And the hell will not be that overt hell where it is just intolerable and you will quickly run out of it. No, it will be a well-meaning hell (12th house) where it seems like the INFJ is sacrificing for the other person, saving them, and the INFJ will be aware of how much they care in certain moments.
But, inevitably, due to the Scorpio Moon they will betray, devour, suck up, test, put into a dark astral maze, stun the will, hypnotize, mesmerize, be afraid to be abandoned…it is like this power play of Scorpio in very negative sense…”I won’t leave you, but you won’t leave me either”, so, a taking of a hostage to stave off loneliness, keeping the person dependent on the INFJ in some way…there is also the Scorpio pride thing mixed with the sign’s natural sensitivity and relational capacities, which are often overpowering and potent for one person to take the brunt of. So, Scorpio can’t ask directly for help or intimacy. It plays games to test if the other person still loves them, and ultimately, to find out if the Scorpio person (INFJ) is still in the position of power in the relationship, even though it will often appear outwardly to be not at all like this, and often, quite the opposite. The INFJ women will appear submissive and deferential. They will dominate on an emotional level undetectably. They will cover their tracks. They are like spies in the house of love.
On the other hand, INFJ’s Fi Pisces, the other side of their id, isn’t like this at all. It is sincere and sacrificial to the point of self-immolation. But, with their implied Scorpio Moon, there is always this ENTJ-echoed/reactive flavor to their love. Love is a game where you have to play your cards right. They don’t merge with the beloved. They are always aware of not giving up control. They always keep their guard up and make sure they are protected. In other words, they are selfish. Ultimately.
However, in the final analysis
Yes, the 12th house Fi id, which is more of a total and complete finalizing component of the INFJ id. The implied Scorpio Moon position of INFJ is rather normative and operates as a matter of course. This aspect of the id might not normally be that bad, but, for the INFJ it is because of the fallen nature of the Moon in Scorpio per astrological tradition (which is correct). The implied Moon positions for other Myers-Briggs types are not necessarily innately negative as the INFJ version of this.
I think it is the 12 house component of the id that acts as finalizing mythology for any type, which means that, yes, for the INFJ type in the 11th hour, so to speak, they will totally eclipse themselves and all their desires and perceptions, and sacrifice for the greater whole.
I don’t know if this is necessarily in relation to a person that they are in relationship with but it could be. They could decide that despite all their built-up hatreds and resentments at the shortcomings and weaknesses etc. of the person that they are with, and how they are ultimately better than this person in some immeasurable and eternal way, the INFJ will nonetheless make an ultimate sacrifice for that person, which often means staying with them and not abandoning them and thus hurting them in a betrayal of that deep bond that INFJ inevitably makes with its long-term partners.
At the Scorpio Moon level, it was all about the other person and how they are not satisfactory enough as a relationship partner. They couldn’t meet the deep and burning needs of the INFJ etc.
At this 12th house id level, it is more about knowing this about themselves in addition to knowing all this shit about the other person, and now, instead of subtly, and with infinite precision, tearing this other person down and further weakening them, the INFJ becomes truly selfless, and either lets that other person go, or makes some kind of conscious decision to stay with that person under different auspices, which basically amounts to “this person is human, I have inhumane desires for intimacy that no mortal could ever satisfy and which make me burn, this person is basically a good person (or not, but, whatever) who has been with me for some time, they have been loyal, put up with my intensity and poisonous nature etc., and now it is my turn to be selfless even if deep down I don’t want to be and it totally goes against all my personal desires with every ounce of my being.
Isn’t this the Jesus Christ trip? Isn’t this what all Christianity is founded upon, this divine mercy and ultimate sacrifice?
Yes, I think so.
So, either being selfless enough to either let the person go, even though you want to use them further for your own less-than-healthy needs for intimacy and to save yourself from loneliness, or you man-up and say “this person doesn’t deserve this no matter who they are or what I think of them. It only sickens me to participate in this dynamic of secretly hating my partner.” This causes INFJ a lot of pain because they know that they have this deep caring and extreme capacity for complete selflessness and sacrifice. So, here at the 12th house (the final house) they will make this decision.
The whole id thing is fraught with extreme emotional heaviness and gravitas in either permutation.
It’s all so Christian and heavy in the final analysis. And in the normative, it is hellish, dark, and witchy, like maggots breeding and feeding in the moonlight.
And it is all fucked up.
So, celebrate. Neither of these paths needs to be followed.
Follow the solar path. Follow the path of Venus. These are the two paths of Fe for an INFJ.
More on this next time. If I feel a bug crawl up my ass. Or I get such a huge amount of donations following this article’s release that I have no choice but to oblige a desperate populace.
Whatever. I move to bring this clitoral clusterfuck to a close.
All in favor say “an eye for an eye”.
O, and I trust you can find the donation button just fine and dandy. No need to further sully this article with commercial insets. And it ain’t called a maze for nothing. Find the damn thing!
I also offer consulting services which you will probably need after reading this.
Well, I’m here to help.