In my experience, I have seen a lot of INFP women who think they are INFJs — a lot. That’s the most common mistype in my long experience consulting with people.
However, if a woman is truly an INFP, but following INFJ advice, she is going to be led subtly off-path, get stuck, and not know what the problem is, nor how to fix it.
For example, Morning Pages is something that I without hesitation, prescribe to INFJs who are stuck. If they do them consistently, it always works wonders in their life. On the other hand, when I do the same thing for an INFP, they lose motivation quickly, and don’t stick with it. What generally works better for them is to do something fun and engaging in the actual world.
Many INFPs don’t like their temperament setup and want to be someone else. It is typical for them to lack a realistic self-picture of who they are and their capabilities. I’ve known a few INFP women that want to dance and express themselves physically, like their female ENFJ cousins, but this doesn’t work for INFP women, unless they have that special someone to dance for.
They want to be sexy and in-demand, like the ENFJ female is pretty much effortlessly, but it’s easy for an ENFJ woman to be like this, and that’s the key — it’s easy.
What’s easy for an INFP woman? Not a whole lot in this Western world of tough competition for partners and material resources. She’s at a disadvantage in this climate. What are her strengths then?
Think of INFP as Pisces and you will immediately see what her strengths are. Just read this article I wrote and it will immediately clear things up: Pisces personality. Pisces are not suited for life in this world, but the one thing that they can do that puts everyone else to shame is to love.
When I say love, I don’t just mean ordinary garden-variety love, I’m talking about cosmic world-altering love. As a matter of fact, INFP woman’s love is as close as you will get to unconditional love. I know what she’s thinking right now, <<Great, I have this massive capacity to love, which means I’m going to be taken advantage of by every near-do-well and sob story around — wonderful>>.
Hey, but I also said Pisces was good at sex, a fact which I kept reiterating, and so it is with INFP women. I’m talking about cosmic sex, deep sex…soulmate sex. Most men aren’t in this sort of thing, but the ones that are…well, INFP woman just cornered the market on that.
Indeed, sex is important to INFP women, but this means sex in a committed relationship, and ideally, sex with a soulmate.
So, love and sex. Not bad. This means the lNFP woman needs love in her life. If she doesn’t have someone to love, she is doomed to be a cat lady.
Since she is so strongly inclined in this direction, INFP can let her life go to the farthest extent of disarray and depression if she doesn’t find a life partner by the right time. This causes an unvirtuous cycle. The longer she goes without a man, the less any man would be attracted to her in the first place, because no one is attracted to a needy person that has no life.
But, there’s hope!
If the INFP woman was able to admit she is in fact an INFP, and not an INFJ (or ENFJ), then she has a chance at sorting out the situation. A whole array of solutions become available that she never considered because she couldn’t even come to the first step.
What I discovered while working with INFP women over the years is that their greatest happiness in life was when they were at university or traveling to foreign and exotic destinations. They love learning and traveling. In case you don’t know cognitive functions, this is her extraverted intuition auxiliary function kicking into action.
What does this mean?
That in order for her to be compatible with her life, she has to learn new things and travel to new places. She needs novelty. This gets her out of the rut that her tertiary introverted sensation gets her into.
INFJs on the other hand, they don’t so much like to travel. They prefer staying in one location and traveling in their minds.
Anyway, I feel this is the one thing that has held INFP women back more than anything — thinking they are INFJs. This suggests the importance of being typed correctly, but also the willingness to know the truth. From there, she is in a position to change her life. Nevertheless, in my experience so many INFP women cling obtusely to a label that isn’t working for them, and stubbornly plow forward with a complete lack of insight regarding who they are what makes them tick.
Idk I feel like INFP is more in demand today with anime girls being the ideal, geeky, nerdy, goth etc than in previous generations?
We still do have the ESFP ideal on TikTok but that is never going away
I’m not sure who this ENFJ ideal is today tho.
I guess, what I mean is everyone is currently struggling with dating and resources, this is basically what the whole internet is talking about so INFP is certainly not alone here…
Maybe it is not so bad to be INFP, that is basically envied in underprivileged communities, they dream of being the quirky, carefree and feminine White girl lol
It is sad you think INFP has nothing to offer the world except having a man, I doubt any man even wants a woman whose sole purpose is to love him. Men usually love women who are cold towards them
I’m just not ambitious. I like living a comfortable life and being cute. It’s so awkward to admit that because I’m still a serious person, but it’s true. Despite my pessimism, I’m always in my soft girl era — so soft goth. 🦇🎀
It’s ridiculously easy to attract men though. Really. It’s that doe-eyed or sad girl vibe rather than RBF, girl boss vibe, or cold deterministic stare. 😳 Most men and some women (especially older ones) want to help out or protect when they see it. It can attract predators though, but I feel like I’ve been saved several times from that.
I just happened to walk into a relationship (and quick marriage) when I was 22, and it’s worked out since because I allow myself to be a practical pet 🐱 (is that a kink?). Everything is easier when you have a leader you can almost blindly trust. I’m sure that sentence would cause a lot of women to start glitching, but I do agree that life can be so much simpler for an INFP woman when she stands behind a man that wants to be the leader/main provider.
If not the provider partner, then having at least one much older female mentor seems to be it. An older cat lady or witch archetype helping out a younger version of herself? Lol. 🧹🧙
Sometimes I feel like a shy version of the manic pixie girl trope. 🤷♀️ I think some people underestimate the appeal. I was a stay-at-home girlfriend before I was a housewife, and now I’m a stay-at-home mom (still officially a housewife).
Are there risks? Of course. Am I going to change anything any time soon? Of course not. Life is simple and comfy. I also get to wear cat ears and legit cat collars at home or wherever I go (appointments, Walmart, church, etc) — not many environments would suit my preferences. 🐾
That has nothing to do with love or what is INFP essence, that is just parasitic lifestyle and power play/ kink. You seem to be perfectly aware of this and okay with this.
Also, would an INFP woman really use labels like that and being in an “era” to describe her core identity? Seems more like someone wearing a mask or trying on different aesthetics that are popular in the society and that she sees as attractive to men. “Soft girl era” not giving a “boss vibe” etc.
I have noticed that ENFJ women are actually the ones that are stealing the INFP women’s identity because it is popular right now, and it is an “era” for them. ENFJ women are very much able to embody what the society deems desirable.
Either there is colder and calculated side to INFP that is not cute, innocent and loving that I don’t know and this site doesn’t mention either, or this is actually ENFJ. I’d like to know because this is something I see a lot lol.
Is there a general theory for what types are compatible with which types for love, relationships, marriage?
Or to generalize, compatability for friendships, business partners, mentors, bosses/managers, mentees, etc?
Since aux function usage seems to be the across the board recommendation for all types, I’m sure there must be a similar theory of relationships for everyone.
I think I briefly read up on Socionics a long time ago but forgot most of it. I think the labels there are swopped a bit -INFJ is InFP there or something like that.
Thank you so much, I love reading your articles.
You present a clear stance on the mtbi stereotypical misunderstandings.
For a long time, I thought I was an INFJ with an aspirational Se. The best time in my life was indeed, when backpacking around the world. Without a plan, just where the wind blows, seasonal jobs. Magic happens where one thing leads to another; new cultures, exotic dishes, new connections, a person to listen, glimpses of kindness that heals a stranger.
My Infj friends are more like activist in their own environment and rarely seek what else is out there.
Another representation of how Infp are different from Infj.
Please, check the movie La Strada by Fellini. Gelsomina is a pure hearted, eccentric girl, that was sold by her mother to the brute Zampanò to become an itinerant circus performer, (the Infp thrown into society). Despite her willingness to please him, he treats her cruelly. But he teaches her to play the trumpet and being a clown which she loved.
The famous line of the movie is “everyone in this world has a purpose”.
I think, Zampanò is how we experience the Ni id. Reality is dark but not so dark, we can still see the light, something good should be there and we must love it unconditionally.
If someone like Gelsomina cannot love him, how else can?
The tragedy of the movie is what makes it so beautiful.
Gelsomina kept going because her purpose was to love Zampanò, being an artist on her own for the sake of self expression (the Infj way) is what brought her to the downfall.