In my last article on INFJ Woman in Love, I alluded to a solution to her Fi id as following the Fe path of her implied Venus in Cancer. This implies polyamory among other things. In this article I will talk a bit about the dilemma of this path for INFJ women in a culture that largely frowns upon woman following any path but the Fi exclusivity path of love.
For women it is less culturally acceptable for them to be polyamorous. With men, more acceptable.
The dilemma is that of Fe vs. Fi. Fe is spreading the love widely. Fe is the very perfect thing that will make INFJs come alive and happy.
So, there will be cultural barriers in the form of what the book Sex at Dawn is talking about in the shift humans made to an agricultural society. There are also the implications of the general Christianization of culture.
Also, INFJs are in a pickle because they need Fi depth in relationship to be interested at all, but, perhaps they can have many soulmate type relationships. Why can’t you care about more than one person deeply, sexually, and romantically?
No, the primary problem is rather in the way culture is setup to penalize polyamory. Like if a woman gets pregnant. Because in the agricultural shift that Sex at Dawn talks about, woman belongs to a man. She is property in agricultural society.
Many women are unhappy because of this dynamic of being so owned. At the end of the day, they essentially do what men want.
There is all this programmed guilt about a woman sharing herself with more than one man. It goes very deep.
So, women would essentially have to get liberated. They would have to stop having this unconscious expectation that some man can save them. I think this is where society is going anyway.
Men are less chivalrous and tough then they used to be. INFJ women have to take the reins of their destiny and create what they want. Enough of this woman bullshit of submission to men. I know a lot of women will want this still. But, INFJ woman seem to be in some critical boat between these two worlds. They are smart, thinkers, seekers, introspective and got all this good stuff going on but, then, they ruin it all by waiting for the man. Now, this is compounded because most men cannot satisfy her deeply anyway. This is just an INFJ temperament thing. But, also, in today’s society the age old rhetoric is falling away about man-woman relationships. Men are not up to snuff and women of all types are finding that they can’t find a man. So, it’s partly the times too. We live in a time when women are becoming stronger and more independent and men are becoming more feminine – meterosexuals.
An INFJ woman really wants a man that is going to dive into her rich depths and take a great interest in her inner life. And she the same in him (if he is rich enough). The problem is that more men are becoming more interested in themselves while at the same time becoming less interesting. Men are simultaneously becoming more shallow and self-interested.
I don’t know what this is going to lead to but that is part of the problem – cultural and the times we live in.
And so because of this deep and ingrained Fi in INFJ woman’s id, she is on automatic pilot looking for that deep soulmate connection. If she could loosen up a little bit and drop this heavy and hard-to-drop dynamic a little bit she might see that there are other options that she probably hasn’t given serious consideration to.
What if there isn’t one soulmate that you will spend the rest of your life with in perfect communion? Just, what if? For argument’s sake.
I know that it kind of hurts to give up this dream that many of these women have. Even for a second. It’s so sacred and unquestionable. They were counting on it.
Well, one thing that it would do is force them in upon themselves and force them to consider their options in the lack of such a prospect.
And so what would they have to do? They would have to create anew.
Of what use is it to be a muse if no guy is going to pay attention to you? Or if they do, it is likely to be less than satisfying.
I mean, if they’re were great artists walking the earth and we lived in that kind of time, then, yes, I could see INFJ woman employed profitably in that sort of role. But, that ain’t the case. Most men are far from being great musers in this day and age, if any.
What if she became an artist herself? This is less likely than for a male INFJ because women are fucking waiting around for Mr. Perfect to inscribe himself on her.
Why? Because of the biological mandates to bear offspring and the current cultural-societal setup of doing it with one man and settling down with him and him being the provider and she being the caretaker of the children.
Read Sex at Dawn to get some of the bearings on what the shift to an agricultural society brought for a change in woman’s status. Because women are the ones who get pregnant and bear children. Men can fuck many women and they never get pregnant. So, basically according to this book (which I believe) paternity rights came in the shift to settled agricultural life vs. wandering in tribes nomadically. With this came the sense that “this is my land, my woman, my children.” And so women had to be chaste to ensure that the baby they would give birth too would belong to the man that she was married to and not some other male member of the tribe. In short, women became property of the man.
If women didn’t give birth to children, of course, none of this would be an issue. Women would just have fun fucking whoever they want and men would too and we would live in a Fucktopia.
But, then again, sex probably wouldn’t feel so good if it weren’t used as an enticement to recreate the species.
So, this brings up larger issues then just INFJ women. But, it is an important underpinning of the whole process of understanding why things are the way they came to be in sexual/romantic relationships.
I mean, yeah, there is this whole soulmate thing, but you have to understand that is a relatively late development in human culture. A very Christian thing if you ask me. And Christianity is a rather late development in human culture. Only two thousand years old or thereabouts.
The troubadour and his untouchable lady. Courtly love. Late European development derived from Christian division of body and spirit.
Anyway, so there is the cultural thing, which has been on course now for many, many years.
But, there is also the INFJ woman’s predisposition to this swing from Fe to Fi in human culture. The agricultural shift and Christianity both brought Fi into ascendancy over Fe. And Fi is a doozy in the psyche of the INFJ as I said in my earlier article. It is regressive, atavistic, undermining etc. It serves a purpose to be sure, but, it is not the path to higher happiness for INFJ.
And it is exactly this Fi Pisces 12th house type id that I was alluding to in my earlier article that has everything to do with sacrifice of oneself in romantic/sexual type relationships. It’s the whole Christian thing of being chaste, true, and pure. Of honoring the beloved. Of soulmatedom. To love and to cherish. In sickness and health. Forever. To sacrifice for the good of all. It looks good on paper perhaps. And women are expected to be good little girls and to please shut the fuck up about your unsatisfied needs.
Women are not supposed to dream. They are supposed to stay locked up in box and tend to the house and the children. To honor the man. To raise his children. To make it all about him.
But, women grow awfully resentful of this.
Anyway, what I’m saying is that this is all fading to a large extent. So, it is rather in the nature of hangover from a long cultural paradigm that is changing.
To talk about INFJ women brings up the role of women in culture in general. What is their new role going to be? What will it lead to? How will it change man-women relationships? Are women going to become more like men and men become more like women? What does that look like?
One thing that I think all this means is that women are going to be more sexually free. There is going to be less of this waiting around for men to come and impregnate them and more of women taking the active role in society. Women can work in today’s world because many jobs in a developed economy do not rely on sheer physical strength that men possess. Society is changing as we speak.
So, what implications does this have for INFJ women with her strong and automatic Fi id coupled with her Fe solar path to liberation. Well, like I said, I think INFJ woman is in a critical boat. She sort of straddles the gap between Fi and Fe paths. Fi is the path of the Moon for her. And Fe is the path of the Sun. It is common that women follow the path of the Moon from a biological and cultural viewpoint.
The Moon is innately feminine and negative in relation to the Sun. It represents needs vs. the wants of the Sun. INFJ women need to satisfy that deep itch they have, that deep need for emotional connection and having her depths plumbed.
But, who is the man who will plumb her depths?
Well, she is.
Ain’t that a bitch.
See you next time lovers and leavers.
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