How would you like it if I tightrope walk on your tits? Or your dick? Or your ass? Hey, I’m flexible baby. Man, women, god, child. It’s all the same to me.
O, yes, we were going to talk about the difference between INTJ and ENTJ. OK, if you really wanna know, the way to tell the difference between these two lovely types is to spit up your momma’s ass and wait for it to come back out again. If it comes back out in a minute or two, it’s an ENTJ. If it comes back out in an eternity, it’s an INTJ.
Another way to tell the difference between these two cozy and cuddly types is to go ask Johnny Rotten of Sex Pistols fame if he would like to hold your cat. If he spits in your face and tells you “Go hang yourself you bleeding rotter!” then that is an ENTJ. Definitely. If you go up to Isaac Newton and ask him if he would like to hold your cat and he tells you, “For every holding of a cat there is an equal and opposite reaction of letting a cat go. But, I do like cats and in fact deep down inside I consider myself exactly like a cat, so yes, I will take your cat and put it inside my Egyptian temple where I meditate so that I may get closer to the answers of the universe. Equation done.” So, yeah that would be an INTJ.
INTJs like cats and are like cats emotionally (soulless and distant) and ENTJs could give a fuck about cats.
Now, since we’re on the subject we might as well talk about this thing called the enneagram because there are about three different kinds of ENTJs and before we can even get into comparing them to INTJs we have to be able to distinguish the three types of ENTJs from each other.
OK, first type of ENTJ is the pure ENTJ. That would be the type 8 ENTJ. Think king. Think tyrant. Think throne. You will know this type when you see them. They have huge, gargantuan, arrogant personalities that reek of nobility and experience with watching heads roll. Most of these ENTJs are built like a brick shithouse. Physically intimidating just by their presence. Some of them are power-mad maniacs. Basically, all they want to do in life is to have power. Power is happiness to them. I asked one of them one time, “If you were given a choice between power and happiness, which one would you choose?” The ENTJ looked at me as if I was a bug and had just asked the stupidest question on earth.
Then we got this little charmer over here called the type 7 ENTJ. Let me run you off some names so you may get a flavor: Howard Stern, Gordon Ramsay (of Hell’s Kitchen fame), Simon Cowell (of American Idol fame), Johnny Rotten, and Harvey Keitel to name a few. What do all these guys have in common? I’ll give you a hint. They are really nice guys.
Moving on to
the third type of ENTJ and the most pleasant to lay eyes on. Why? Because they are all freaking gorgeous. Ready, here come the names: Milla Jovovich, Leo Dicaprio, Elizabeth Taylor, Axl Rose (O yes he was sexy back in the hey-day), David Bowie, Uma Thurman, and Mick Jagger. Don’t you just want to suck all their dicks? No? You better go spit up your momma’s ass again and come back when you come back to your senses.
Fuck, ENTJs are a pain in the ass. Those last type of ENTJs are the biggest bunch of narcissists on the face of this earth. They are so beautiful, glamorous, charismatic, and dick-suckable. They want you to suck their dick. They insist. You will. It’s just a matter of time.
(author’s note: Upon further reflection, this third type of ENTJ is really enneatype 3 ENFJ and so anything I say in regards to this third type of ENTJ I really mean type 3 ENFJ. All the descriptive stuff for them still stands – heartbreakers, narcissistic, glamorous, charismatic etc. I’ve written an article since this one on the enneatype 3 ENFJ, which is exclusively dedicated to what I am calling the third type of ENTJ in this article.)
OK, now bring in the INTJs. Well, luckily there is approximately one type of INTJ enneagrammatically speaking. Those familiar with the enneagram will know them as type 5 INTJs.
Ready for these lovely and pleasant charmers? Here they come: Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche (of “God is dead” fame), T.S. Eliot (existential poet), Maria Rainier Rilke (existential poet), Oppenheimer (inventor of atomic bomb and quite poetic), Isaac Newton (not an INTP you dumbshits), Emily Dickinson (recluse poet), Kate Bush (crazy sexy women), and Christopher Walken (just for good measure).
I don’t know, can you feel the difference?
Alright, if you can’t, then you have perceptual problems that extend beyond the scope of this article. Hey, I know. Go to this little place called YouTube and start typing in some of these names with “interview” after them. For example, “Kate Bush interview.” Or alternately, type in “Johnny Rotten interview.” Make sure the people were alive in the time of video interviews. Isaac Newton would be a no-go naturally, but then there is this thing called Google. Look up some of the long-dead ones there. Or better yet, if they were a writer, buy some of their books.
If you really want to understand INTJs, buy some Nietzsche books. As far as I’m concerned he was the quintessential INTJ. Nobody topped him in that department. If you want to get a real flavor for some of the major differences between INTJ and ENTJ, read Nietzsche’s, The Case of Wagner, which is one of the books he wrote regarding his famous and influential relationship with the composer Richard Wagner, a major asshole ENTJ of epic proportions. Nonetheless, it will give you a flavor of the differences between the two types.
ENTJs don’t write as much as INTJs because they’re too busy being extraverted assholes but they are still Rationals after all. I recommend checking out some of the written works of Aleister Crowley. I would name him off as a quintessential ENTJ at enneatype 8. Or watch Jack Nicholson in The Shining. Or listen to Ride of the Valkyries. Or do some fucking thing.
And you’re lucky I didn’t ask you to spit up your daddy’s ass.